I feel like Spock.
Allow me to explain.
Over the past 6 months, I've been working through all of Star Trek. I mean, from the Pilot Episode with Captain Christopher Pike. I've even watched all of the Animated Series. As I keep watching I'm finding myself relating more and more to Spock. This might not be a shock to some of you that know me. However, I didn't know this about myself. So, it shocked me.
I didn't realize how deeply I was connected with Spock until watching the first movie "Star Trek: The Motion Picture". I'm going to assume that you all have seen this already and that spoilers aren't going to be a problem. If you haven't seen it. SPOILERS are coming.
Source: Spock has been undergoing the kolinahr ritual, in which he has been learning how to purge all of his remaining emotions, and is nearly finished with his training. The lead elder tells Spock of how their ancestors had long ago cast out all animal passions on those sands, and says that their race was saved by attaining kolinahr, which another elder describes as the final purging of all emotion.
Spock doesn't finish the ritual and returns to Star Fleet. When he comes onto the deck of the Enterprise you can tell that there is something wrong with him. Over the course of the Original Series + Animated Series, we have come to see the human side of him. That's now gone.
I often find myself having a hard time understanding people around me. But at the same time, I understand them very deeply. From a stance of logic. I was raised in what many would call a Christian Cult. Where music wasn't allowed and movies weren't allowed. This is why at 29 I'm just now starting to watch Star Trek and catch up with what I've missed over the years.
Growing up, "love" was forced down my throat. Always being taught to love everyone and everything around me. This was great. However, I was also always taught to withhold my emotions. That it wasn't good to "feel" passions for "things of this world". Because I suppressed my emotions I learned to focus on logic instead. To take my feelings out of the equation and to live my life calculated instead.
Some friends that read this will agree that I understand what others around me are going to do before they do it. I can read a crowd like no one else and I can predict actions months or years before they take place. I'll even tell you what the chance of something happening is. And you know, I'm not wrong.
With all my logic, I lack passion. I have goals and I have a drive for life. But just raw passion is something I've been focusing on. By the end of the movie, Spock has learned that being pure logic is limited. Spock is both Vulcan and Human. I wonder, had he been raised on earth instead would he be more Human and struggle to connect with his Vulcan side?
All this to say, I am Vulcan and I am Human. I look forward to spending the rest of my life learning to be less calculated. To be able to enjoy the moment even when it's not logical.